Human Behaivor project

Who, What, Where, When:

Tyler Steven Ryans & Mark Ryans, Sexual Abuse, Calgary & Edmonton AB, 1998- Nov. 2008

What do you regret in this situation, and why?

I regret not telling anyone what was going on for ten years. I regret not telling because if I had told someone, I could have saved myself from being abused and used for such a continued period of time.

What would have you done differently, and why? What would you have kept the same, and why?

I would have done two things differently:

1.      I would have told someone about what my Uncle was doing.

2.      I would have refused to stay with, or be alone with my Uncle.

Something I would not have changed, is going over to my Uncle’s house. I have cousins,

that I haven’t talked to in a few years because I just cut them out of my life (another regret of mine.)

Is this situation something common? (Proof needed)

Unfortunately sexual abuse IS common. One in three girls, and one in six boys will be abused

by a family member. This was confirmed by Canadian Government in 2006.

Your behavior in t his situation was in common for someone your age (at the time), and for

the situation? What was your behavior, give an explanation.

My behavior was definitely common for a kid my age going through what I went through. I felt (and still feel) guilty, depressed, particularly emotional, and, at some particular times, suicidal. My behavior also consisted with what an abused kid feels. Guilty, because you feel like whats going on is your fault. Depressed, because of the immense hurt and sadness you feel. Particularly emotional, because of the fragile state of mind you’re in. Suicidal, because of all the above reason combined together.  

Based upon the behavior, and the situation, what would you say you should do now?

Going by a professional opinion, I would say that now, I should go into counseling. Most likely be on medication too.

Based upon the situation specifically, what legal action do you think should be taken so that this particular situation does not happen again?

My Uncle should be taken to court, and charged to the full extent of the law for child abuse, child endangerment, and sexual assault.

Come up with five situation specific questions:

Why do you think you feel guilty?

I think I feel guilty because I'm constantly being told that the abuse is my fault. I guess I KNOW that I'm not guilty, that it’s not my fault, but I still feel guilty.

Why do you think that you didn’t tell anyone about what was going on?

I think I didn’t tell anyone about what my Uncle was doing because he used to threaten me, and tell me that no one would believe me, that it was my fault anyways so I’d get into trouble. Also, I mean it’s my Uncle! No kid wants to believe that someone is hurting you, let alone someone who is a family member.

When the situation escalated, and got more out of hand than it already was, why didn’t you tell then?

When the abuse got worse, and became more than just molestation and a little more of severe sexual assault , I didn’t tell then because I guess I was confused. I believe I was ten (I'm not exactly sure though) and when you’re ten you don’t know a whole lot about stuff like this…

Explain how the situation ended. (Side note: I wasn’t sure how to phrase this question, but it’ll be explained in the answer.)

When I was thirteen, my parents went away on a cruise in November, and my Uncle had to stay at my house and take care of me. On the night the my parents were due to come home, my Uncle was leaving my room (I was in my room, so I'm not sure why my parents thought to come into my room, for all they knew I wanted a drink of water) just as my parents were walking in the door, and they saw him leaving. They came into my room, and all I remember is that I was really upset that night, and I suppose my Mother saw it on my face. She asked me why my Uncle had been in my room, and when I didn’t answer, I guess that spoke louder than words could. My Dad didn’t even have any emotion, but my Mother was very upset. Although, she didn’t even confront my Uncle (but she didn’t let him see me either.)  

How do you think you’re affected now? How do you think you’ll be affected in the future?

Right now, I don’t think I'm really affected at all. Although, I do occasionally have nightmares. I think I just take each day, and live it. However, in the future, I think it’ll be harder for me to be in a happy relationship.

Final thoughts:

I guess it felt interesting, to just put it all out there, and to assess my own situation from a professionals  point of view.

Definitions (situation specific):

Sexual Assault: An illegal sexual act (other than molestation, IE: rape) inflicted upon someone who is incapable, and/ or unable to consent (IE: a child, or person with a mental illness.)

Affected: Influenced, or your idea of a things meaning or sense due to a traumatic event.